The Scottish band TheVaselines had their heyday in the late 80′s – early 90′s and have reformed to release their second comeback album called “Sex With an X.”  A nice slice of indie pop, resplendid with hand claps, jangly guitars and nice boy/girl vocal interplay.  A fun track, I’d be interested to check out the full album. Download from Glorious Noise or right click/save as.

The blog Vague Space has a few songs on their “New Music Tuesday” page and one of the tracks is number one on the elbo.ws Hot Tracks. No Age is a duo based out of Los Angeles.  The song available for preview, “Glitter,” is a nice fuzzy pop song, a perfect addition to your playlist entitled “songs for my future movie soundtrack.”  Download from Vague Space or right click/save as.

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Next, two hip hop tracks

Squirrelfood.net is a great music blog known for a weekly Friday Mixtape of good new tracks. The last installment featured new songs by Andre 3000, the other half of OutKast, and Kanye West.  I’ve been a fan of both artists and was excited to check out the songs.

Andre 3000 has released a track entitled ”I Do,” and it’s pretty slight fare.  Intriguing are the horns and soul sample, but Andre sounds unmotivated in his vocals.  Oh well, it might be worth checking out if you’re a Outkast fan, but I’d say this is a disappointment.  Download from Squirrelfood.net or right click/save as.

Kanye West has a new album that will come out sometime this year has already featured one great song (“Power”) and now we get “See Me Now,” featuring Beyonce and Charlie Wilson (from Gap Band fame). The new album, the first after Kanye’s curve ball 808′s and Heartbreaks, sounds like it’s going to be a monster hit. The song is great, a nice mix of R&B and Kanye’s decent rapping. Excellent track. Download from Squirrelfood.net or right click/save as.

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Finally, we come to the end with a Weezer track.  I should have given up on this band back when the Green album was released, which was fun but slight, but I’ve stuck with them through all of their subsequent fun but slight albums.  The next album, entitled “Hurley” and featuring an album cover of Hurley from “Lost,” is sure to be a hit but I’ll probably continue my streak of not really caring. The track, entitled “Memories,” is power chord fun. Download it from Ground Control or right click/save as.

That sounds like a tough situation, and it is a very good sign that you are willing to communicate and reached out for help.  I have great news – vasectomies are reversible!  That means that you and your husband can always change your mind and reverse the operation later, so the pressure is off.  I think that know how you feel – I spent a lot of time researching vasectomies and having family discussions.  My wife was pushing me really hard to have the procedure done a few years ago.  We had one kid and, honestly, she just really couldn’t handle another.  Anyway, she was pushing and pushing for the operation, and one weekend she had a high school reunion in Ithica.  A weekend without her prattle sure sounded good to me so I stayed home.  When she got back she talked and talked about how much all these people that I didn’t know had changed, blah blah blah.  Then she gave me this sob story about some guy that had finally lost all his weight and put himself back together, etc.  Well, when she talked about this guy I happened to see her eyes, and when she saw me looking she got all defensive, I knew that I had finally, FINALLY caught that lying, cheating slut in the act.  She denied it, of course, but I went out and blew our entire checking account on this divorce lawyer and there wasn’t a dime left for that whore and her bastard offspring.  But today, I have a beautiful baby boy with Kathy (the former best friend of my ex, but Kathey couldn’t stand her either, lol!), and we’re eagerly waiting for a baby girl to join our family in a few months.  I love my son so much.  Honestly, looking back, I don’t know why I stayed with my first wife as long as I did.
 
Anyway, vasectomies are reversible, and they’re no big deal.  Just communicate that to your husband as clearly as you can – Kathy and I can tell you that communication is the key to a great marriage.  Good luck!
 
Dr. K is a government intellectual property expert. He has a PhD in Biology.

Got a relationship question for our stable of PhDs? Send it to standardstandard@gmail.com.

From special contributor Davey “Double D” Dombrowsky, professional man about towns and raconteur.  Double D knows what to you should do this weekend.

Friday

After waking up from Thursday’s get together at the Top of the Standard in NYC’s Meatpacking District (it’s always a late night when hanging with Leo…DiMarco, part-time ’tender of Greenwich’s Slaughtered Lamb Pub), you’ll want to head on over to The Central New York Modern Art Expo Center on W. 55th from 2-7pm for their 4th annual “Art Splat and Egg Sale,” where you can get some awesome poached eggs and egg-based artwork.  I picked up a Damian Hurzt “Poop Egg” last year and I’ll keep my eye out for other valuable ovum.  After that, get out of the Why-C, cause it’s dead on Fridays, and head down to Wilmington, Delaware for dinner at Charcoal Pit on Concord Pike, where I have it on good authority (a certain hottie from Delaware, Valerie Bertinelli, total cougar yum) that this is the place to spot some A-listers like Justine Bieber (sister of Justin and star of the new Family Ties webisodes) and good friend (and, oh, VP of the USA) Joe Biden.  After you fill up on their black and white shakes, head down to D.C.’s “Race Relations Ball and Car Auction” in Friendship Heights from 6-11pm.  If that’s not enough, you can head over to hot club UltraBar in D.C., where you can dance to super-DJ Skeet Skeet and hang out with reality star Missy Dugout from MTV’s “Sober Academy House.”  If you’re looking for a quieter awesome night out in the mid-West, you have to get out to Des Moines’ own Twisted Parrot Lounge and meet Gassy Gus of Frankie & KoKo Morning ShowShow fame (appearance from 8-10pm) and the Hot 107 FM PregBabes.  If you’re on the left coast, nothing’s going on.

Saturday

Man, I don’t know about you, but Saturday, I’m getting up bright and early and heading over to Dodge City, Kansas, for the “Santa Fe Trail ‘Gunsmoke’ Masquerade 5K” (starting at 7am) which annually draws some eighty thousand fans of the television show “Gunsmoke” and other Old West drag lovers for a fun romp down the dusty streets of a dying Plains city.  Keep an eye out for Old Dirty Willy and his kabob truck, they’re falafel-humping goodness.  After that exertion, I’m going to hope in my IROC and blast over to The Pantry Restaurant in Sterling Heights, Michigan for some delicious breakfast specials and special celebrity sightings (I had a fluffernutter sandwich one night with Jack Bauer, inspiration for Kiefer Sutherland’s character’s name on “24″).  Plan to spend the day in Bend, Oregon, at the Alphonse D’Amato Festival, the country’s only celebration of the life and public service of New York Senator Al D’Amato.  You’ll have your breath taken away as you watch the spectacle of a giant papier mâché D’Amato fight against a giant pencil (you’ll lose your breath by seeing lots of Oregon’s finest babes at the fest as well).  Dinner will definitely be at Los Angeles’ chic Cafe La Boheme, where my buddy Wil Wheaton, who works the door, has confirmed that the entire cast of next year’s disaster blockbuster called “M. Night Shymalan presents…” will be eating at the corner table! Show up, grab a table, and be seen.  For after dinner, I wish I could make it to NYC for the hot party at Club No Name on E. 99th for Moby’s Karaoke show or the insanity that will be the Met Opera’s annual “Orgy for Organs” debauchery, but I’ll be driving down to New Orleans with my girl, internationally famous socialite Paris Schwartz, to Club Pepper Schwantz, for the special night of music performed by Peebo Bryson.  Also wish I could clone myself and head out to Montana’s Big Horn Comedy Club for their crazy “Legends of Black Comedy” starring Sinbad marathon.

Sunday

Ah, the day of rest, you know your boy is gonna give you some great Sunday Morning Coming Down events, right? First, head to Louisville for a Hot Brown at the Brown Hotel (tell her I sent you, wink wink).  Then, I know I’m driving up to Philly to enjoy the beautiful people watching at the Cheesesteak World Eatoff, then wind down the weekend with a little jaunt over to Amarillo for a casual supper at the Big Texan.  Head home, fall asleep, do whatever you need to until next weekend.  Ciao.

We live in an increasingly difficult time to live our harried lives.  Surprisingly, with all of the technological marvels that promise us more time to spend in leisure or with our loved ones, I still feel like there isn’t enough time.  There are everyday hassles that take precious chunks of time that could be better spent enriching the lives of my neighbors or creating lasting impressions on the elderly.  From waiting at cumbersome traffic lights, pausing for blasted commercial breaks during essential viewings of television (or the delay of waiting for my DVR to fast forward through the commercials), to ambling from parking lot to store entrance, seconds and even minutes are bled away from me, precious time that spills away until all I can see is the gaping maw on death’s cackling face.

It is imperative that we do more to save us time, to change the world, and it starts with you, producers of food stuffs that sit on our local grocery store shelves.  I’ll be the first to admit that we, as a modern American society, are more juvenile in mindset than any American generation since the silly boobs of the 1860’s.  With the unending bombardment of cellular signals and the feeding of our brains with terrible entertainment options, we are a crass collective who have a childish sense of humor permanently imprinted in our psyches: I don’t know about you, but I’ve wasted so much time guffawing at products that shopping for food has become an endeavor that takes more than an hour. 

I present a list of product names that need to be changed so that we can stop tittering, quicken shopping, and get to living.

 Salted Nuts

Poppy Cock

Head Cheese

Salami

Creamed anything

Spotted Dick

Fluffer Nutter

Cucumbers

Honey Smacks

Rubbermaid

Poultry Breasts

Pussyfruit

Pound cake

Popcorn (too close to poop corn)

Mississippi Mud Cake

Mudslide

Butter

Manwich

Cock Sauce

This is not an exhaustive list but you get the picture.  If we were to change/eliminate these items from our shopping lists, imagine how much more efficient we’ll be. No more wasting all that time bent over in laughter because of creamed corn.  It is time we accepted the fact that we’re all giggling simpletons that need guidance.  Do the right thing, food purveyors, and save us from ourselves.

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The opinions expressed in this essay do not reflect the opinions or views of The Standard Standard, its advertisers, writers, editors, other employees, or the author of this essay.

The two tracks for preview are the title track (featuring Dice Raw), a meditation on the streets that plays over a funky soul beat, and the song “Dear God 2.0″ which features a sample of  Jim Jones and the Monsters of Folk.  Both singles are wonderfully roomy and great listens. 

Download How I Got Over from The New Montreal.

Download Dear God 2.0 from Backseat Sandbar.

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While at the Backseat Sandbar page, download the track “Rill Rill” by Sleigh Bells, a great summer track that will definitely be a contender for my end of the year top 25 tracks.  Fun, breathy girl vocals over laid back pop instrumentation, it’s everything you want while driving down a sun-drenched highway (they’ve even got fingersnaps!).

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If you don’t like Outkast, then you probably need to jump off a bridge and kill yourself.  Yes, that’s how I feel about the duo from the ATL, who match propulsive beats that force movement from stiff limbs with an entertaining sense of lyrical humor in their rapping.  Now comes a solo record from Big Boi, the lothario of the duo, that is essentially one long come-on made listenable due to the same dynamic of Outkast success: big bass and creativity.  “Shutterbug,” a track featuring Cutty, is a bouncy track that should be playing at the clubs right now.  “Lookin’ For You,” the only track that features Andre 3000 (who apparently was kept from the project due to record company politics), is a more straightforward song compared to the more creative “Shutterbug,” but leaves the Outkast fan wanting the duo to come out with a new Outkast record.

Download the tracks “Shutterbug” and “Lookin’ For You” from Musical Pairings.

MOSCOW (AFP) – Two weeks after 10 Russian spies flew back from the United States to Moscow, the buzz of interest around redhead Anna Chapman shows no signs of receding as she has stayed in the news by writing enigmatic Facebook updates, including the mysterious “I love taro frozen yogurt,” profile update, “Team Edward” fan page addition, and cryptic photo albums filled with friends’ babies doing nothing of interest.

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Comic-Con Wrestles with ‘Booth Babe’ Controversy

While costumed fans of both genders are enthusiastically welcomed by the comics industry, hired promotional models have caused some controversy among fans, particularly since Comic-Con’s attendees are now 40 percent female. Much of the outrage last year came when EA Games ran a Comic-Con contest encouraging men to “commit acts of lust” toward “booth babes”, resulting in at least one floor model getting a not-so-friendly goosing. EA Games later apologized for the contest but showed that they didn’t learn anything from the debacle when they announced this year’s contest, “Grand Theft Autoerotic-asphyxiation.”  

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Wis. candidate can’t use controversial description

MADISON, Wis. – A legislative candidate from Wisconsin can’t use a profane, racially charged phrase to describe herself on the ballot, an election oversight board decided Wednesday. Ieshuh Griffin, an independent running for a downtown Milwaukee seat in the state Assembly, wants to use the phrase, “NOT the ‘whiteman’s b—-.’”  Andrew Breitbart promptly misrepresented the phrase to read “the white man’s a b—-.”

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Scientists find most massive star ever discovered

LONDON – Scientists were shocked that the star, called R136a1, was already discovered by TMZ.

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Boney M asked to skip hit in West Bank gig

RAMALLAH, West Bank – When the iconic 1970s disco group Boney M rocked Ramallah this week, the local music festival prevented the band from performing one of its biggest hits. Lead singer Maizie Williams said Palestinian concert organizers told her not to sing “Rivers of Babylon.” The song’s chorus quotes from the Book of Psalms, referring to the exiled Jewish people’s yearning to return to the biblical land of Israel.  The band was also asked not to play their other hits, “The Mossad Shuffle,” and “Never Gonna Give It Up (the West Bank).”

So, what was enjoyable? First, sneaking in beers to a multiplex was surprisingly easy and fun throw back to teenage years.  Second, the “Machete” trailer (an upcoming Robert Rodriguez action splatterfest), which led to the best moment of the movie: at the beginning of “Predators,” we meet the cast of characters as they encounter each other while walking through a foreign jungle and the camera comes upon gun-toting Danny Trejo, who happens to be the star of “Machete.”  Giles, recognizing Trejo, enunciates Ma-chet-te, getting several of the audience to laugh.  Third, the overt nods to the previous Predator movies were especially satisfying, especially connections to Arnold’s original character (Brody’s mud covered homage of “Come on! Kill me! I’m here!” was particularly awesome). 

For the most part, the movie isn’t that bad.  The acting is fine, with Topher Grace properly slimy, Adrian Brody effectively mercenary-ish, and Laurence Fishburn delightfully bat-shit.  The action is decent, though a bit subdued for a sequel-type movie: I actually wanted more elaborate set pieces, something as memorable as Jesse Ventura’s kill sequence (the production attempted an equally epic samurai showdown, but the battle was a bit of a letdown).  The plot, the dialogue, the everything else of the movie left me with a distinct flavor of “mehhhh,” a watery nothingness that wasn’t unpleasant.  The only disgust – leaving out the best shot from the trailer…read this explaining Rodriguez’s decision to film a scene that was never intended to be a part of the finished film.

Watch this movie if you are a fan of the Predator movies or if you want a mindless summer escape (this movie has got to be 10 times better than A-Team or crap of that ilk).  Other than that, skip it for the movie below.

“Predators” gets a 2 1/2 out of 5 for me.  Check out a matinee if you want.  I would nominate this film for Best Series Resurrection After Some Bad Sequels (the honorary “Dark Knight” after “Batman and Robin” Award), Best Movie Made Better By Beer, Best Machete Tie-In, and Best Unexpected Reason to Have a Debate on Evolutionary Divergence (Two Species?!!).

By now, you’ve heard about this little $60 million weekend box office smash film called “Inception.”  There’s so much going for this film (A-list writer/director Christopher Nolan, A-list actor Leonardo DiCaprio, A-list ironic pregnant teen/pedophile killer/commercial star Ellen Page, A-list martian Joseph Gordon-Leavitt) that going into the screening, I have to admit some nervousness.  The last movie I went into knowing little about the story yet shrouded with high expectation was James Cameron’s “Avatar,” a visually stunning but ultimately forgetable movie — “Inception” had a possibility of being a looker with a terrible story.  Thankfully, Nolan delivers a genuinely great film, a satisfying story told with great acting and mind melting cinematography.  There are points in this film where I literally was at the edge of my seat with a smile from ear to ear, enthralled by the evidence on screen of the audacity of Christopher Nolan’s imagination.  There are scenes that will make you fall in love with movie making again — the rotating hallway fight sequences are seminal shots that will be studied by film students from this point on.  The entire dream-within-dream concept is dizzying, yet surprisingly clear in the editing.  There’s no way around it, I have to simply say that I love this film — just give it the Best Picture award right now.

That said, there are some serious problems with the movie.  First, if your idea of summer entertainment doesn’t include using your brain, then you will want to skip this picture.  As we were walking out of our screening (which at one point had ~25% of the audience asleep; in their defense, it was midnight), we overheard several people expressing confusion or disinterest in the plot.  Admittedly, the first half of the movie can be confusing as there is a lot of (necessary) plot exposition the occurs before the main caper begins, and the film does drag a bit for the middle 30 minutes.  Yet, the payoff (the last hour) is well worth the investment of your attention, if you have the desire and/or ability.  For those of you who don’t want to think or find science fiction elements in a story nerdy or boring will not like this movie — you can always wait for the eminently more accessible Bourne-lite “Salt” opening this Friday. 

This is not a perfect movie (holes in the plot are easy to find) but this is a thrilling, inventive, excellent film.

“Inception” is a Five out of Five — this will be the best picture winning for 2010.   I nominate this film for all of the top awards at the Oscars, plus Best Easy Paycheck Role for Michael Caine, Best Method to Revive Interest in M.C. Escher, Best Way to Make Hummers Cool Again, Best Sarcastic Use of the Word “Darling.”

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A new track from The Walkmen’s album “Lisbon” has me remembering a particularly flabbergasting conversation with StandardJeff, wherein he professed a strong dislike for all horns.  Listen to the track “Stranded” (download from This Music Wins) for the beautifully warm horns.  I cannot wait to check out this record.

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Check out ceo and their fun dance track, “Everything Is Going to Be Alright,” which you can grab over at Consequences of Sound, along with a bunch of other track (including Mountain Man’s “Honeybee”).

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AUSTIN, Texas – University of Texas regents agreed Thursday to strip the name of a former law school professor and early organizer of the Ku Klux Klan from a campus dormitory.  The dorm named after William Stewart Simkins will now be known as Creekside Residence Hall.  The board of regents have not decided if they will change the name of a similarly controversial campus building, Sam Waggoner Academic Hall.  Sam “Puppy” Waggoner, an alumnus who served 8 terms in the Texas legislature, was infamous for his racist support of Jim Crow law, his “Texas Institute of Eugenics Study”, as well as being an avid sport dog fucker.

Story based on http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100715/ap_on_re_us/us_texas_dorm_kkk

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DETROIT – States have the authority to enforce immigration laws and protect their borders, Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox said Wednesday in a legal brief on behalf of nine states supporting Arizona’s immigration law.  Cox, one of five Republicans running for Michigan governor, said Michigan is the lead state backing Arizona in federal court and is joined by Alabama Attorney Dick Ildo, Florida Attorney Peter Schwang, Nebraska Attorney Terry P. Enis, Pennsylvania Attorney Wallace Kochsucer, South Carolina Attorney Dong Throbber, South Dakota Attorney Yeardley Fallus, Texas Attorney Mushroom Stamp and Virginia Attorney Rex Racehorse, as well as the Northern Mariana Islands Attorney Erect Veiny Pants Monster.

Story based on http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100715/ap_on_re_us/us_immigration_states

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GENEVA – Roman Polanski may once again be seen on the red carpet at Cannes — but he won’t be attending the Venice Film Festival or the Oscars anytime soon.  Freed from Swiss house arrest after the government refused to deport him to the United States, the 76-year-old movie director still faces an Interpol warrant in effect for 188 countries for a 1977 child sex case.  That means now, more than ever, Polanski is truly safe from arrest only in his home nations of France and Poland, and — due to this week’s stunning decision — Switzerland.  Polanski, as is his custom, marked the day by throwing a lavish party, including buttons that were passed out to all guests that read, “Three out of 191 Ain’t Bad!’

Story based on http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100713/ap_on_en_mo/roman_polanski

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WASHINGTON (Reuters) – The broadest overhaul of U.S. financial rules since the Great Depression was on its way to becoming law on Thursday after it cleared a crucial hurdle in Congress.  Though the track was wet from storms that swept through the region, the Wall Street reform bill demonstrated sure footing as it lept over the hurdle, as it turned the corner and eyed the finish line with the look of a champion distance runner, legging out a distance run, with iPod earbuds blaring out “Eye of the Tiger” and Gatorade G2 Series erupting out of overacting pores of victory.  

Story based on http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100715/ts_nm/us_financial_regulation