News Section – July 15, 2010

This edition of the News Section: Texas Nomenclature news! Immigration Law news! Roman Polanski news! Wall Street Bill news!

AUSTIN, Texas – University of Texas regents agreed Thursday to strip the name of a former law school professor and early organizer of the Ku Klux Klan from a campus dormitory.  The dorm named after William Stewart Simkins will now be known as Creekside Residence Hall.  The board of regents have not decided if they will change the name of a similarly controversial campus building, Sam Waggoner Academic Hall.  Sam “Puppy” Waggoner, an alumnus who served 8 terms in the Texas legislature, was infamous for his racist support of Jim Crow law, his “Texas Institute of Eugenics Study”, as well as being an avid sport dog fucker.

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DETROIT – States have the authority to enforce immigration laws and protect their borders, Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox said Wednesday in a legal brief on behalf of nine states supporting Arizona’s immigration law.  Cox, one of five Republicans running for Michigan governor, said Michigan is the lead state backing Arizona in federal court and is joined by Alabama Attorney Dick Ildo, Florida Attorney Peter Schwang, Nebraska Attorney Terry P. Enis, Pennsylvania Attorney Wallace Kochsucer, South Carolina Attorney Dong Throbber, South Dakota Attorney Yeardley Fallus, Texas Attorney Mushroom Stamp and Virginia Attorney Rex Racehorse, as well as the Northern Mariana Islands Attorney Erect Veiny Pants Monster.

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GENEVA – Roman Polanski may once again be seen on the red carpet at Cannes — but he won’t be attending the Venice Film Festival or the Oscars anytime soon.  Freed from Swiss house arrest after the government refused to deport him to the United States, the 76-year-old movie director still faces an Interpol warrant in effect for 188 countries for a 1977 child sex case.  That means now, more than ever, Polanski is truly safe from arrest only in his home nations of France and Poland, and — due to this week’s stunning decision — Switzerland.  Polanski, as is his custom, marked the day by throwing a lavish party, including buttons that were passed out to all guests that read, “Three out of 191 Ain’t Bad!’

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WASHINGTON (Reuters) – The broadest overhaul of U.S. financial rules since the Great Depression was on its way to becoming law on Thursday after it cleared a crucial hurdle in Congress.  Though the track was wet from storms that swept through the region, the Wall Street reform bill demonstrated sure footing as it lept over the hurdle, as it turned the corner and eyed the finish line with the look of a champion distance runner, legging out a distance run, with iPod earbuds blaring out “Eye of the Tiger” and Gatorade G2 Series erupting out of overacting pores of victory.  

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