Ask the Doctorates: Promised Snip

Dear Doctorates – I am angry with my husband and I don’t know what to do. I’m in my late 30’s and have been married to my husband for the seven years. We have one child.  When we married, I told him that I didn’t want to have any kids, but over time, he wore me down with his desire for a kid and we reached a comprimise.  We both agreed that we would have one kid and then he would get a vasectomy. Well, the kid is here, and I am still adamant that I don’t want another child, but he hasn’t gone to get the procedure.  We’ve had fights, and he accuses me of nagging him. His only excuse is that he’s not ready yet. What should I do?

That sounds like a tough situation, and it is a very good sign that you are willing to communicate and reached out for help.  I have great news – vasectomies are reversible!  That means that you and your husband can always change your mind and reverse the operation later, so the pressure is off.  I think that know how you feel – I spent a lot of time researching vasectomies and having family discussions.  My wife was pushing me really hard to have the procedure done a few years ago.  We had one kid and, honestly, she just really couldn’t handle another.  Anyway, she was pushing and pushing for the operation, and one weekend she had a high school reunion in Ithica.  A weekend without her prattle sure sounded good to me so I stayed home.  When she got back she talked and talked about how much all these people that I didn’t know had changed, blah blah blah.  Then she gave me this sob story about some guy that had finally lost all his weight and put himself back together, etc.  Well, when she talked about this guy I happened to see her eyes, and when she saw me looking she got all defensive, I knew that I had finally, FINALLY caught that lying, cheating slut in the act.  She denied it, of course, but I went out and blew our entire checking account on this divorce lawyer and there wasn’t a dime left for that whore and her bastard offspring.  But today, I have a beautiful baby boy with Kathy (the former best friend of my ex, but Kathey couldn’t stand her either, lol!), and we’re eagerly waiting for a baby girl to join our family in a few months.  I love my son so much.  Honestly, looking back, I don’t know why I stayed with my first wife as long as I did.
Anyway, vasectomies are reversible, and they’re no big deal.  Just communicate that to your husband as clearly as you can – Kathy and I can tell you that communication is the key to a great marriage.  Good luck!
Dr. K is a government intellectual property expert. He has a PhD in Biology.

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